i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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