i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
