I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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