For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
