i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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