I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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