Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I understand Curling. That high.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
