Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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