your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
