all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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