There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
