dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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