new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
