so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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