Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
