piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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