so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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