I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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