Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
