im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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