she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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