Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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