other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
