Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
