Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
