remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize