We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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