His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
