Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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