You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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