This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
