nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
