There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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