i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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