i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
