SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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