New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
