It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
