I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
