I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
