your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
