dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
