1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My life is pants optional.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
