i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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