i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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