There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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