cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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