Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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