Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
