I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
