Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
