i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
