Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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