Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
