Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
