It's Friday. Sex?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
