Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize