I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
