I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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