Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
