We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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