and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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