tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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