apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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