Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
