when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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