hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
