i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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