I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
